forgiveness

In life, it is so very easy to get caught up in right and wrong. The sense that someone did us wrong, the sense that we are always right, the inability to look objectively at your actions and see them for what they are, and to see them through someone else's eyes. It is so easy to hang on to old hurts, to relive them over and over again. But in doing so, we hold those hurts close to our hearts. We coddle them. We feed them. They fester deep inside of us. They become our "one ring" just like in the Lord of the Rings. The pain is burden we carry, a burden we hate, but a burden that we simply cannot let go of, that we don't want to let go of, that we are desparate to hold on to. We are just so desparate to be right and it is so easy to blame someone else for being wrong and for hurting us.

Today, I come online, where I'm accountable for my own words. I pray to forgive others and release myself from the burden that I carry. I pray to no longer dwell on past hurts, to accept that I have a role to play in those hurts, to forgive myself the mistakes I made and to move forward. I pray for the strength and guidance to thoroughly clean out my spiritual closet and sweep away the cobwebs and throw the pain in the garabage. I choose that every day will be a fresh start and every day I will forgive him and hope for forgivness from him. I will continually pray for the strength to endure the fighting and bickering. I will never stop trying to reach common ground. I will continue to put my children first, above all else. I will continue to communicate, even when doing so feels pointless and I feel helpless to ever solve or resolve our problems. Every day I will pray for these things and everday I will hope that my prayers be answered.

So the next time someone does me a 'wrong' I will turn the other cheek. I will match their anger with kindness. I will forgive them. Over and over again, for the rest of my days and I will never stop hoping that things will get better.

‎"Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it."