Along with my bible studies, daily devotional readings and constant parenting best-practices research, I've also been studying Zen, specifically Dick Sutphen's "Self Mastery". As a world leader in Personal Development, he's imparted some amazing advice. I have learned to accept the things that I can't change and to accept the things that I spent years wasting my time on - like changing circumstances, events, and people. His teachings have taught me that 90% of what happens we can't do anything about. When we try to alter what is inalterable we become miserable trying to fight it or trying to change it. When we accept that what is - IS - we find inner peace. As one of the parables he quotes in the book says:
"Hot is hot. Cold is cold."
How powerful is that?!
He's not advocating acceptance of all circumstances, just the ones that are inalterable. If you have it within your power to change it, by all means - have at! But if you are trying to change another person (like your partner), or a circumstance (like we all work on Friday's) or an event (like we all have to pay taxes) then you might be able to force the change, for a little while, but eventually it will revert to it's default. Accept it now. Let it go.
Another power concept is how he addresses guilt. It's teaching me that what has happened has happened, and there is nothing I can do about it now. I can't do anything about the future either, so there is no point feeling guilty for things that might happen or worrying about what might happen; it may not even come to pass. The only thing I have any control over is what happens right now.